Randomness to make you laugh
I am in a long term open relationship with my right hand
What a man
A man goes into a bar, and the barmaid asks what he wants.
"I want to bury my face in your cleavage and lick the sweat from between your tits." he says.
"You dirty bastard!" shouts the barmaid, "Get out before I get my husband."
The man apologizes and promises not to repeat his gaffe.
The Barmaid accepts this and asks him again what he wants.
"I want to pull your pants down, spread yogurt between the cheeks of your ass and lick it all off."
She says, “You dirty filthy pervert! You’re barred. Get out!”
Again, the man apologizes and swears never to do it again.
"One more chance," says the barmaid, "Now, what do you want?"
"I want to turn you upside down, tear your panties off and fill your pussy with Guinness, and then drink every last drop from your hairy cup."
The barmaid is furious at this personal intrusion, and runs in the back to fetch her husband.
"What’s up?" he asks his irate wife.
"There’s some asshole out in the bar who wants to put his head between my tits and lick the sweat off," she says.
"I’ll kill him. Where is he?" storms the husband.
"Then he said he wanted to pour yogurt down between my ass cheeks and lick it off," she screams.
"Oh, he’s a dead man!" says the husband, reaching for a baseball bat.
"Then he said he wanted to turn me upside down, fill my pussy with Guinness and then drink it all," she cries.
The husband puts down his bat and returns to his chair.
"Aren’t you going to do something about it?" she cries hysterically.
"Look, I’m not messing with any guy who can drink 10 pints of Guinness at once."
What’s the difference between a crappy job and a wife?
After 5 years, the job will still suck